Broken hearted.
I wrote this when I finally wasn’t afraid to leave my mom’s after my divorce, and finally wasn’t afraid to “Let go and Let God.”
Lying in the dark and chilling sleeplessness
Within the shadows that creep my walls
You are here.
As the wind cries out its lonely songs
A breeze passes over me.
And I know You are here.
Lying in my bed with a frozen soul
The blackened night steals me of my sight.
Yet I know You are still here.
My first shot at Tanka.
Sometimes the sad heart
Overtakes the quiet mind
And the walls I built crumble
To my feet and then
Tears again I wipe away.
I wrote this for my ex-husband (age 32) when I knew there was no turning back, and we were over for good.
When we lost track of time
Our moments turned into years.
It seems like just yesterday
When the only thing we knew about each other
Was a feeling.
Now we know and feel so much more
Pain
And there is no shaking it.
We forget to remember that we are supposed to be lovers.
We forget that nothing else is supposed to matter.
We forget to gaze into each others eyes
And remember.
We forgot that the sadness had no place
Within married hearts.
We forgot that we were here to comfort
Not condemn.
For God.
My cries are getting longer
As I lie alone at night
Waiting for You to put Your arms around me.
But You do not appear
As Your picture lies still
Beneath my pillow.
If only I could be stronger
As I lie alone at night
Waiting for You to talk to me.
But You do not appear.
And my tears fall still
Against my pillow.
The nights are getting longer
As I’m alone again tonight
Still waiting for You to love me.
But You do not appear
As Your picture lies still
Beneath my pillow.
Frozen.
As I wandered through broken hearts
And innocent sins
I fought alone.
And to all those bodies around me
For which I belonged
I was naïve.
I feared rejection and loss -
But if by ignorance I could forget
And pretend security -
I had given all.
Yet in another mirror stalks reality
And it is cold.
Time does not heal the whiteness of the heart
And of the soul.
The tears still fall
And the heart still aches.
And now there is greater fear
In the eternal pain
That I have had to, and will now forever,
Face
With a frozen soul.
